Thursday, December 17, 2009

what i needed to say v.1

\+/Regret\+/

Yeah, whatever…
Is all that was said on this
Lonesome day.

You walk away.

I regret that lonesome day,
For my life has changed
Into something I love.

Had I said
no, not today, then this

Small change

would have changed
my life, for the better,
on this
lonesome day.

1) i know i need it a lot longer. what do you think? I'm bad at this XD

2) anything at all that would help?

4 comments:

  1. well give it some more describing words an make it so we get what your trying to say u know. cause im not sure what it is. but no your not bad you just need to work that's all. but its good jus needs a few touch ups.

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  2. you might want to work on the wording or descriptions because its a little confusing. I don't know if you are sad that your world changed or not. I think also that you poems aren't bad, but they could be better if you worked on some things.

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  3. yeah i cant tell what exactly it is you needed to say or if your happy or not about this change

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  4. I'm with them on this *points to above comments* you just need to make what you are talking about a little clearer. I have no clue if you're happy or sad about whatever happened to you. Don't feel bad about it either, 'cause I have a hard time with it as well. It's just something that we need to work on a bit thats all.

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